JOSH BEECH AND THE JOHNS

Last week,I met up with Josh Beech and the Johns in London.

It was great fun and I hope to work with the boys again.  Please keep watching my website to view more pictures from the shoot. 

www.nicoletteclara.co.uk 

through the pines (i see faces)
in the waves (i view more)
on the shore (i feel nothing)

i rode my bike to your front door. i didn’t ring the bell,just rattled the letterbox  

you opened the door almost immediately,grabbed your bike and we set off on our suburban adventure 

we always had that ability to make the mundane almost bearable. exploring what other people would ignore. 

down the road we rode ; wheels spinning,shirts waving in the wind,that wind hitting our summer skin. 

where we were going didn’t matter. we didn’t even know ourselves. 

we rode down to the junkyard downtown. we jumped on trash and discovered hidden wonders. the smells and sights were beautiful to us. we weren’t made for the sidewalks. we weren’t made for this part of the world. 

i stashed the new old treasures in my backpack,and we travelled off to the park. there,i took off my shoes and walked barefoot on the warm pavement.  gravel stuck between my toes and you watched whilst sitting on the swing. 

things were simple,yet so damn complicated at the same time. 

the sun beating down on us in that park,i felt happy. cynical at the world,but happy in that mooment.  we barely talked,but when we did it was about the future and the present and what we wanted to do with our lives. i pretended we didnt care,but truth was,we didn’t want to end up like the ones people called our guardians. 

we weren’t the wasted youth or anything like that. not yet anyway. we were the Almighty bored. nothing to do but make our own pleasures. 

i just remember little details about those times. my hands being sticky from fizzy pop and jelly worms,dirt in my fingernails from digging up the things nobody else wanted,and the feeling of independance we felt. we didnt need anybody else. friendship and lazy afternoons were all we needed. the future beckoned us,and we had no real idea of what it held,but we were strong enough to take on whatever was waiting for us. 

Her bones are cracked

Dripping fat 

The eyelashes fall

The tears pool 

Chunks of hair  

A personal nightmare 

Soft brains 

Sharp pains 

Snapped wrist 

Wet kiss 

Broken beyond repair 

Pregnancy scare              

Hymen tear    

Mother, I swear 

I could have been a good girl.  

We fell asleep to the tune of “hold me closer, tiny dancer…” and woke up to it too.
I woke you up then I left you sleeping and walked over to the campfire, all messed up curls and wearing an old flannel shirt, three sizes too big.  Everyone sitting by the fire were all nursing their hangovers and were projecting considerably quieter whispers compared to the night before. I felt the warmth from the fire lick my cheeks and my eyes watered. I wasn’t sad, regretful maybe, but just at ease. After a night of hedonism and debauchery to kick-start the year, I was glad I had lived my way through the year and was on my way to starting a fresh one.

I believe I don’t believe.  

I breathe without living 

And love without passion.

I am the nobody.  

I hold the treasures. I keep the memories behind my eyes. I hold the treasures in my palms like secrets. Pressed into my tiny palms, I hold onto the treasures. They are all that is left.